Drumm role please.......
now announcing some very big... very life altering news......
WE ARE MOVING!!!!!!!!
(I know at least half of you thought I was going to say we are pregnant ;) not yet people, not yet :)
My Husband Carson applied to a seminary in Vancouver, BC this last spring and got accepted!! We are super proud of him and really excited for what awaits us. Already we have seen God's faithful provision in so many ways. Not only does Carson already have a job up there, but a community that we get to be an integral part of leading and shaping.
The whole process has been a wild ride for us. There is so much I could share, but for this post I'm only going to share how processing this move was for me. If you want to hear about the story about how it came to this you can ask :)
When Carson told me he was going to apply to Regent I began to think about what that would really mean; I began processing what a cross cultural move would look like. At the beginning of this process it was extremely painful. Having been in SoCal for 6+ years, I've developed such deep, rich, life-giving relationships that it was really hard to imagine leaving. For me, these relationships are my greatest treasures besides my family and husband and I felt like I was being asked to give them up and move to another country where I would have to search for new treasures when I didn't want new ones...I just wanted the ones I had. If you know me at all you know I am highly relational and close friendships are a top value for me. I'm constantly blown away by the caliber of friends God has given me and I really am not sure anyone on this earth could convince me that they have better friends than me, really they are just that incredible. I could write a whole blog post just on my friends, in fact I think I may do that, but for the sake of this post I need to move on.
So as I processed leaving the ones I love, I also began wondering what would happen to my business. Would I have to give up on it? Would my dreams come to an end? Now this may sound dramatic, but when the rubber meets the road and you really begin processing everything it would mean to move your entire life somewhere else, it kind of feels like you're dying a bit. At least for me it did. It felt like giving up so so much; some of the people and things I value most in life. You don't get to see people in the same way you once did. You have to leave places that give you a lot of joy and life, places where you have finally made connections. For us it would also mean leaving a church community that was just on the cusp of doing great things. At this point I remember laying on my bed and thinking, I DON'T WANT to do this. I don't want to move.
Then I rolled over and saw a gift that my husband had given me. It was a giant frame that holds a picture of us on our wedding day sandwiched in between our handwritten vows to one another. It was then that I realized that it was okay if this felt like death or even a small form of death. It was okay if it meant giving up many or all of the things and people I held most precious. It was okay if it felt like giving up my very life. Why? Because I had already given it. That day I stood across from him before God and a crowd of witnesses, I made a promise. I didn't promise him some of my life, or parts of my life that I wanted to give or were easy to give. But I promised to give him all my life and if that is what moving meant, than that is what I was going to give. Something I've learned and been learning is you can't give others life unless you're willing to give of your own... So in light of all of that I did what anyone feeling like they were dying in some small way with any small ounce of level headedness would do. I prayed. And I prayed and I prayed. A friend in my prayer group encouraged me to pray like David does in the psalms. So I did. I processed the move with the Lord and as I expressed my doubts and concerns he impressed his peace and love. As I allowed him to hear my heart, I could feel his, and the move became more of a transition into new life than a journey ending in death. I was able to celebrate with my husband rather than drag my heels about it. And I can now say that I am to a point of being genuinely eager and full of anticipation of all the amazing things I sense are ahead of us. There is such grace that meets us when we press into God's heart and seek to know and be known by him, and it is a grace that does not leave us the same but transforms us.
So we are off to a new place. And to a new season. I strongly feel that my business is meant to continue up in Vancouver once I have a work permit and I am excited for a possible new direction in my work. I also am excited to come back down, as work in the States will hopefully bid me to do so. I know that God has good things ahead of us, which doesn't lessen the pain of leaving the ones I love, but does give me a hopeful demeanor in knowing that life is what he is putting before us, life and life abundantly.